i have nothing to say

I think I have a yeast infection.

Actually, I’m not entirely sure what I have. But it’s been a few weeks, and I get them occasionally, so I just assumed. I saw a commercial the other night for this test that can tell you whether or not you have a yeast infection. I figured, what the hell? May as well, since it looks like you just pee on a stick. That way I know if I should waste the co-pay to go to the doctor’s. I buy the kit and bring it home, only to find that you don’t pee on the stick… You stick it inside you. Uh. Ew.

So after much whining and griping to Simon about the fact that there is no fucking way I’m sticking a plastic coffee stirrer in my cooch, I proceed to go into the bathroom and do just that. Apparently the test doesn’t work exactly the way I had understood. I thought you’d stick it in, pull it out, look at the color and it would be like a pregnancy test: yep, you’ve got cooties, or no, you’ve got something serious. But no, it’s pretty much a color-coded system where if you’re pH level is normal and you’re having symptoms of a yeast infection, then you “may” have a yeast infection. Well, duh.

Needless to say, I’m not dying, but I’m no better off than I started. My pH levels are normal, I’m skeeved about having a plastic knob in my crotch, and I’m still feeling the same way I did before. But I’m still too stubborn to go to the doctor, because I’m convinced if I spend the money on my co-pay they’re going to say, “No you’re fine.” Of course if I don’t go, I’ll probably end up with a full blown yeastie and become bed-ridden like I was the last time. And for any of you who have not suffered from a yeast infection before… be grateful. They are the worst things a woman can experience next to childbirth and cramps.

Now that I’ve gone on far too long about my private parts…

I was dying for the new Merry Gentry book to come out, “A Lick of Frost”… But since I’ve started reading it, I can’t seem to get far. Every time I pick it up, I get bored and distracted. For some reason, it’s just not grabbing my attention like the others. Then again, it could possibly be due to the fact that for the last 120 pages it’s been the same fucking scene. I get the whole “paint a picture” ordeal when writing, but come on already. I’m just trying to fill time until the new Anita Blake novel (“Blood Noir”) comes out in June. I drool over that series. Seriously.

It’s sad when the highlight of my week has been getting word from my aunt that she’ll be able to get me the two Essie colors that I’ve been dying to try since I saw them in Allure: Body Language and Great Expectations. It’s even worse is when you realize that they’re just nail polish.

Do I need a life? Naaah.